okaywork:

why do moms get so pissed about how many empty water bottles you have in your room 

(Source: okaywork, via pizza)

awidesetvagina:

this is still the best story ever told at a talk show

(via theplains-bitterdancer)

averypottermormon:

coldswarkids:

edwardspoonhands:

thelegendofkungjew:

doxian:

d-dinosaur:

rknjl:

newvagabond:

NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.

NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE.  LIVE.

URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.

<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>

NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN

EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE

PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA

SURVIVE

NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA

REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT

PRETEND IT’S 2BYA

EVOLVE

NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE. 

FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT. 

PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.

STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA

NO “MATTER”.  EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.

THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.

TIME DOES NOT EXIST.

BE.

this is some nightvale-level shit goin on here

(Source: agirlandhisplatypus, via theplains-bitterdancer)

dynastylnoire:

lilyjoon:

Did you guys know thousands in Detroit are experiencing water shutoffs?

Like, thousands in Detroit are living without running water?

Detroit, USA?

United States of America?

They’re Americans?

Who have been so neglected by their local / state / federal govs that they are now appealing to the UN for what could blow into a human rights tragedy?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST

(via theplains-bitterdancer)

mymodernmet:

Kenya-based artist Sophie Standing used textile embroidery to create this gorgeously colorful portrait of a rhino.

(via battlestar-athena)

humorking:

my hobbies include looking at text posts and wondering how i didn’t think of them first

(via dutchster)

theplains-bitterdancer:

so I did a thing

http://protagonistheavy.tumblr.com/post/91633797033/there-is-nothing-that-isnt-funny-about-the-phrase

protagonistheavy:

There is nothing that isn’t funny about the phrase “free hour in the ball pit.” Nothing at all. Even if you take it out of Dash Con context, you’re left with a phrase of compensation that is from start to finish ridiculous.

Break it down word by word. “Free.” This implies people are otherwise…